February 2012
41500) I've wanted to be great at singing my whole...
41499) I'm afraid of my bones and I'm afraid of my...
41498) Being afraid to die... only because you...
41497) It doesn't matter how hard I try. I work...
41496) All my teachers know about my issues, but...
Today, I found out that my math teacher’s daughter suffered from anorexia for six years and almost died twice. My goal is to get that bad before the school year ends. I want people to see that I’m not okay, that I’m not just that depressed quiet girl. This is sick, and I feel absolutely awful and horrible, but I just need to do it.
41495) I'm diabetic, and the doctors always tell...
41494) Will I ever be warm again?
41493) All I do anymore is sit alone at home and...
Everything from tripping down the steps in xth grade to that one time my friend got caught handing me a note in the 6th to being wrong in a spelling bee in the 3rd and play it over and over in my head and all I can think of is how it would have gone better if I wouldn’t have been so fat.
41492) I started out losing weight the healthy...
41491) I'm in love with a boy who said he'd help...
41490) I just want to be normal again.
41489) I am with the man I am going to marry and I...
41488) Why I don't let myself eat?
41487) I don't want to lose control, but I think...
41486) They don't understand how much it hurts to...
41485) It has come to a point where I use...
41484) Last night my friends and I wanted to make...
We went grocery shopping together, picked out food and went back to their apartment and cooked dinner and sat down for a wonderful meal. And with every bite all I could think about was how fattening it was and how I was a complete failure for eating every bite. What’s wrong with me? I never wanted to be the girl counting calories and restricting herself like this. I never wanted to hate food...
41483) "Finals week is no time to start a diet" -...
41482) I've been having gushing nose bleeds every...
41481) I hate seeing the sadness in my mother's...
41480) I read the submissions on here and see...
I grew up in a great family who loves me and always did the best for me. My parents have always told me I’m beautiful and perfect, and my little sisters look up to me and say how much they love me. And yet I choose to make them miserable and worried anyways. I punish them. They don’t deserve this… but I don’t care. I’m so fucked up. I’m a horrible daughter and...
41479) I met my friend's neighbor for the first...
He told me the project was about anorexia. I asked him why he picked that picture, hoping so much that he would say that we were skinny. Then he said it was because he made up some story about her helping their other neighbor with her ed just to fulfill the project requirements, and it had nothing to do with how we look. I didn’t eat for days.
41478) No one has any idea.
How else do you think I lost so much weight in a matter of months? My mom even realized the throw up ring around the toilet and just told me to “not get into it.” She never eats. I killed myself for nothing. I’ve gained all of it back. I tried on a pair of jeans I wore loosely to find them skin tight. Nothing like starting the holidays off right with working out everyday, and...
41477) I find it disgusting whenever I see people...
41476) I've started carrying empty food wrappers...
I steal away plates from the kitchen, dump some crumbs on them, and take them back when my roommate is around so she thinks I’ve just eaten. When I’m on the phone with my mom I tell her I have to go because I’m about to order. I constantly chew gum so if people offer me something I have a reason to refuse. It’s like my whole life is one big act.
41475) When I haven't eaten for days, I get dizzy...
I love those times, because I feel like a feather, ready to float away, and I’m happy. Then other times, I ‘ll faint and wake up on the floor. This should scare me, but instead I think it’s a reminder that I’m to heavy to fly away. Too fat to even stand. Too huge to live.
41474) I'm a hypochondriac, so does that mean I'm...
41473) I admire the people on here who have the...
My heart hurts for those of you who are brave enough to tell people, and then watch them ignore your problem or not help you get help. I want to tell someone. I want to be open. I want them to know, but I don’t think I could handle it if they just stood by and watched, or said they were going to help and then didn’t.
41472) I am doing this for attention.
I want them to tell me how small I am, how much weight I’ve lost, ask how I got so thin. I want to hear that I look great, that I’m beautiful. Then I want to take it farther, to hear that I’m too skinny, that they’re worried about me, that I need to eat more. Then I want even more, and have strangers on the street look at me and think that I’m sick and nothing but...
41471) The look on my mum's face when the doctor...
41470) I've been weak and dizzy for a while, the...
41469) I just made sugar cookies for my mum. She...
41468) ED has brought me to use my mother (who is...
41467) I started my journey with Ana because I...
41466) I know how frail and skinny I am. I know...
41465) "You don't eat much do you?" he said as I...
41464) I haven't eaten all day. I feel sick to my...
41463) I only go to my friend's house so I can use...
41462) I was so desperate to lose weight that I...
41461) The other day I felt disgusting, it just...
41460) Torn between two words. Skinny or Fat. Ana...
41459) Everyone rolls their eyes when I talk about...
41458) My hair has been falling out recently....
41457) I gave my friend scissors less than x hours...
41456) Everytime my heart hurts, I know it's from...
I’m afraid it will just stop all together but I can’t convince myself to stop these bad habits and get help. Instead I just say “Oh when you’re thin, you can stop throwing up and then get your heart fixed” but I know it’s a lie and that I’ll probably never break these habits unless I get help before I get thin.
41455) The only reason I look forward to college...
41454) I hate the fat on my body.
I look at myself in the mirror and I’m disgusted. I don’t eat. And then. I binge like crazy. Why can’t I control myself? All I want is to be in control. Every second of everyday my thoughts are consumed with food. Or lack of it. It’s like Ana’s there sitting next to me but no matter how hard I try she won’t let me sit with her.
41453) I hate my body. Every inch of fat disgusts...
41452) I haven't stepped on a scale in what seems...
41451) I just chewed and spat a cookie. Only one....