July 2010
75) I can't decide if I want to suffer in secrecy...
No one’s said anything yet, therefore I need to lose more weight.
Just wanted to say
*sorry for asking people to help me get followers and stuff for this blog. I absolutely promise its not for personal reasons, this site is here to help people feel like they can get help anonymously without judgment.
Anyway I just want to add
I added hotlines and places you can call and stuff if you need help, or want to talk to someone or want to find out information on eating disorders.
...
74) I'm scared one of these days I'll go to far
and die during purging. I cannot stop
73) I'm scared one of these days people are going...
But I just can’t stop myself.. I’m come so far.. I just have to get down to 75.. I’ll be alright. Right?
72) I hate looking at myself in the mirror, and I...
71) When I get hungry, I become so scared I can...
70) I feel guilty when I eat too much
but I refuse to stop eating because I don’t want to add “eating disorder” to my list of what makes me fucked up.
69) I always have to be the skinniest
The prettiest, the one thats able to fit into any designers outfits.
I need this.
68) I hate every part of my body
67) My boyfriend told me that if i was"thinner and...
When we got together i’d already lost over half my body weight, now i want to lose ten more pounds, 80 is the perfect weight
66) I hate my eating disorder.
It’s pure hell. BUT at the same time, I don’t want to go into recovery yet. I crave the control and right now, I don’t feel as if I deserve freedom from this. However, I do hope to go into recovery someday. Maybe in a couple years when I graduate from High School and move to the Los Angeles area. Even if I want this now, I know that I don’t want to live like this forever.
65) Numb
I literally don’t remember how I lived without my eating disorder, how days have passed without me starving myself or filling my self up to the point where I have to spill myself out. I still remember the days where I yearned for and escape, yearned to not feel anything. “Emotions are for the weak” is what I chant to myself, but then I cry myself to sleep, because I either ate too much or have...
64) I have wanted to kill myself for a long time...
I wasn’t even overweight but, I have lost 40lbs since then. Now I am underweight and extremely ill. Sometimes I wish I would have been brave enough to face the real issues when I had the chance instead of falling back into my eating disorder. Now, I am just waiting for this disease to kill me instead.
63) i want to be able to look at a piece of bread
and then eat it not sit there look at a piece of bread and then decide how many bites i have to eat it in to be ok with eating it or without having a complete meltdown
62) Every morning the scale dictates how I will...
61) Constant
I keep coming back to it when things get bad, its the one constant in my life. It started years ago when I was failing 2 subjects in high school and my best friend was submitted into a mental hospital. I got “better” for most of my college career, and recently my home life just fell apart. Its started again, the severe binging and restricting cycle, obsessing over everything. And the sad thing...
60) I've been thinking about going to the doctor...
just really scared because I don’t know what to expect.
59) I was so happy at the beginning of the week, I...
I looked again yesterday. I want to chop every slice off with fat. Why can’t I get over this?
58) People always talk about Eating Disorders like...
It’s not. For me, it started out like that but eventually turned into something way bigger. It’s about control. My body is the only thing in my life that I can completely control. When everything in my life is out of control, I seek comfort in being able to at least control what’s happening with my body.
57) I am a recovering cutter.
Every low is war with myself at the end of the day to not break skin. My thoughts are full of ideas on how to use ordinary objects as weapons on myself. My scars are so well hiden that some lovers don’t know about my struggles but I know they are there. They hunt me. We both have hurt ourselves and are trying to fix that. I hope one day we both will feel simply happy without these...
55) I'm getting addicted to laxatives.
Fuck.
54) My ED is preventing my relationship from...
i think i’d be much happier if my boyfriend left me for a healthier girl, he says he loves me but i think he’d be less burdened
53) My eating disorder was worse when I 'thought'...
Now I’m finding it easier to get better because I know theres no do over.
52) I eat when I'm alone.
51) Sometimes, i think im ready to end this...
But im not. its my saftey blanket. Im loosing everyone. I dont have a proper friend who i can call and just tell stuff to. So im hiding myself and punishing myself when they treat me badly. Am i so fucked up that people dont even want to say hi?
I have really fucked up my life.
50) i really miss my self control.
and i hate myself. and i wish that the one person that made me feel pretty the way i am hadn’t proved me totally wrong. i don’t know if that makes sense.
49) I feel helpless, i've had my ED since i can...
All i’ve ever wanted was a child and i don’t think i can even have that now. It makes me hate myself because i’ve done this to myself but i can’t stop the cycle of hurt
48) when i'm full, i just feel like crying,...
It’s disgusting and i wish i could stop, but if i donn’t i just feel like a failure
47) Barbie has always looked slightly fat to me
45) What they thought was good turned it into a...
All the girls turned around in a special meeting about friends to me, and directing everything to my eating. It had nothing to do with them, and they said they care about me and are worried, but now it just feels like they’re all watching me eat and that makes me want to eat less to not look as fat and be perfect for them even more.
46) I developed anorexia when I was 22
because my social anxiety was too much to handle. It was over-whelming, not being able to go anywhere or talk to anyone, not even close comrades. Then I found out about adderall, that it makes you lose weight and because I grew up with an anorexic/bulimic mother & a bulimic bodybuilder father, so when things got really bad it was only second nature to turn to an eating disorder, that and like...
43) My mom helped me battle my bulimia 3 years...
I thought I was over it all, that I was free; until this year. I discovered pro-ana sites, and became hooked. Food became the enemy, and these websites were my weapon. I’m now trying so hard to regain control of my life again. It’s hard when all you do is hate yourself more and more. Your a failure if you aren’t skinny, and your a failure if you don’t beat this disorder. I...
44) I had always been the fat girl in my group of...
They ate their words last year when I walked into school; about 85 pounds. I ate my own words when I walked into my therapy group; about 70 pounds. Now words aren’t the only thing I wish I could eat.
42) I break down for about an hour before I go out...
41) My friends just think I'm super busy,
but really I’ve just forgotten how to socialize with my friends because I’m so withdrawn. I’m losing everyone who matters to me.
40) Every time I feel full I cut myself.
I’m finding it harder and harder to hide the scars. I need help
39) I truly wish that every time I ate, I could...
38) It makes me sick to my stomach when people...
xoskinnyme-deactivated20111222 asked: i feel like theres not anything you've ever said that i can't relate to. most things 100% <3
37) My bulimia used to be chaotic, now it makes...
36) For as long as i can remember the only thing i...
35) I was called fat one time. I wish he knew how...
34) I will starve myself to be thin. I will numb...
33) i starve myself because i think if he loved me...
32) Not all the time, but sometimes I wish that...
31) I would never tell people that I’m anorexic...
30) I like the feeling of my bones
29) I still go on pro-ana sites and read there...
28) If I don't reach my goal weight by the end of...
