April 2012
42981) I'm sitting next to my parents in the...
42980) The worst part is lying to your loved ones....
42979) I cut all the tops of of my fingers, to...
42978) Am I beautiful yet?
42977) The scale says I lost x pounds, so why does...
42976) Binging makes me feel so pathetic. I have...
42975) I was about to drift into sleep when I...
42974) Today, my friend told me that she didn't...
42973) My doctor wants me to reach the recommended...
42972) When I see other people eat, it confuses me...
42971) I'm really scared that one of these...
42970) I've struggled with anorexia since xth...
42969) I'm not the girl I wanted to be.
42968) I drink my weight in water so I won't have...
42967) I brush and floss twice a day (almost...
I went to the dentist this morning. I have x cavities. I don’t eat that much unhealthy food, even when I binge. But apparently stomach acid does great things for your teeth.
42966) I think it's my lack of a gag reflex that's...
42965) I feel so much fatter yet so weak. So I...
42964) My therapist told me to stop pleasing other...
42963) Even though I've lost over x pounds, it...
42962) Everyone else tells me my body is...
42961) My friends are starting to notice that I...
42960) Just watch me spiral out of control.
42959) I keep a list of foods I can't eat.
My mother adds to the list every time I say my stomach hurts after eating. The list is four notebook pages long by now, and gets longer every day. Sure, sometimes my stomach hurts because of my food allergies, but I’ve been saying it hurts when in reality, it only hurts my pride. Soon enough there will be nothing left they can make me eat.
42958) A month ago, I did this thinking I just...
42957) No one understands me.
No one. Maybe someone could, but that person isn’t here. I feel so alone. I used to bottle all my emotions in. Now when I say how I hate my body, I’m complaining to you. Am I just supposed to listen to your problems? Are mine not significant? Just because I never fucking expressed them before means I’m not supposed to have them? Fuck you all. You all have minor little problems...
42956) I have a friend with bulimia and honestly,...
She doesn’t know I know about her anxiety problems or her eating disorder, and I know they probably rip her apart inside and she’s obviously not as happy inside as she is on the outside. But she looks amazing, she’s got amazing friends and she’s got the will power to do what I never could.
42955) One of my closest friends accidentally...
42954) Yesterday, I went to the mall with one of...
She was taller than me, beautiful, and so skinny. Her body was perfect. She really did look like a model. Every mirror we passed, I would compare us. And I realized how fat I really am. Then when we went out to eat, she did nothing but push her food around. I was so jealous. I want to be her. Ever since, I’ve been desperatly chanting in my head, “skinny girls don’t eat.”
42953) I'm afraid I might be pushing myself into...
42952) I know someone else who has an ED.
And I want to be there for them, I really do, but I’m trying to get on the road to recovery and hearing about them losing xlbs and starving y days is the most triggering and hindering thing during my recovery. But I also can’t abandon them. So I’m stuck in the middle.
42951) I've only just realized how crazy this...
I can’t even go out with friends anymore, the fear of seeing myself fat in the store mirrors and being surrounded by beautiful salesgirls and tempting food courts is haunting me. I’m fading out of my life and no one can tell. This is taking away my teenage life.
42950) One of the followers of my secret blog...
A girl who I longed to look like the whole time I was there. The bitch got x notes and I’m just sat here, looking as fat and ugly as I always have. That is literally the most triggering thing I’ve ever seen.
42949) This is my new body, that was my old body....
42948) I'm so fucking hungry, but I can not let...
42947) I punish myself if my pee isn't clear. If...
42946) I wish I could be normal but I don't think...
Even now in recovery I don’t think I could be “normal.” I can never eat without feeling guilty. I can never have the relationship I had with food before my disorder. I can never gain weight and not care. I can never eat food and not worry about calories. I love recovery and I love being healthier than I have in years but I don’t think this ED will ever truly leave or that I...
42945) I wish there were more of a awareness of...
42944) I'm the girl that used to gladly take...
Meeting up with my friends for a meal one night, I didn’t eat all day and ordered something with little calories… yet something still made me run to the toilets twice to throw it up. I then had to stand in the loos for another ten minutes worrying that they’d suspect something, especially when I had only eaten a quarter of what was on the plate anyway. When did this become me?
42943) On Christmas, I decided to treat myself to...
As I took a pretty nice helping of it on my plate, my little cousin looked over at me and said if I took that much I’d get really fat. If he only knew that led to me attempting to purge for a good x minutes, and starving myself the next day.
42942) I didn't get taken seriously for my ED...
42941) You know you have a problem when you're...
42940) I can feel it pulling me back in. I need it...
42939) Everyone around me is always always always...
42938) I feel fat all the time, but I'm too scared...
42937) I hate it. I hate how I go to bed hungry at...
42936) Worked out for three hours yesterday, still...
I proceeded to throw food away from my cabinets, anything that could make me gain weight easily. I have coffee and vegetables left. I promised my friend I wouldn’t starve myself but he doesn’t know that I plan to just not buy any more groceries and that he’ll never know because he’s a trucker and can’t check on me.
1 tag
42935) I had to unfollow.
Because I fully recovered. Yes it was hard, yes I didn’t want to do it at the time. But I’m happy now. And I just wanted everyone to understand that it’s okay to be scared to get help but it’s worth it. You can save yourself <3 Everyone deserves more than this, believe me I’ve been there
42934) I'm telling my friend to get better and...
42933) I know I'll never be thin enough... Thin...
42932) Our friendship was still going strong back...
I thought nothing could go wrong, we were extremely close. Then, I gained a lot of weight. And now you suddenly began saying you’re ashamed to call yourself my friend, that you fucking hate me. Yeah, I knew you’d be too embarrassed to point to me, the ugly fat girl, and say, “She’s my best friend.”
