May 2012
43118) I used to think food was just, you know,...
43117) I'm binging in front of my mum. I'm such a...
43116) I try to set a goal weight, but the number...
43115) As drunk as I was the other night, I still...
Despite the pressure, I shook my head persistently, denied the vice and watched the jealous looks I got from around the table. Being the only one there in control made me feel superior not only to everyone eating but to my former self. Like I finally had the power to get to my goal.
43114) I purged x hours after eating a y sized...
43113) My boyfriend keeps calls me tiny and...
43112) I went out for a meal this afternoon with...
43111) My stomach cramps up sometimes, I think...
I can hear my heart beat, and it scares me that I could die. But I don’t want to go to the hospital, I don’t want to be “fixed.” I’m so scared, so ashamed. I don’t ever want to give myself away, as if my eating disorder is all I am.
43110) My brother came home yesterday for the...
43109) Whenever I get my period I'm always happy...
43108) How do you escape the person you hate, when...
43107) Nobody understands how hard it is. Nobody...
43106) My mom wants me to go to a hospital for...
43105) I tried to explain my feelings to my...
Among other things, I told him how the more weight I lose the more pressure I feel to lose even more weight. He tried to listen, but he couldn’t follow where I was going. In the end he said I sounded crazy. Thanks. Now I’m glad I didn’t tell him about my actual eating habits.
43104) The people around me who know about my ED...
Truth be told, I haven’t overcome anything and the only thing I feel is shame. Shame that I was so weak and let it all slip away from me. I’m eating “normally” I suppose… and I’m so ashamed of that. I can’t wait to just slip back into starving… but I have eyes on me all the time. I hate the body I have and crave the one I had.
43103) My mom is on one of her many "diets" so she...
43102) I am so fucking hungry.
43101) I wish people would worry about me, until...
43100) I'm trying to eat "clean" when I get home,...
43099) Recovery never lasts--I keep relapsing.
43098) I don't tell people because I know they...
43097) I find my anatomy class triggering. All I...
43096) I eat everything in sight. The next day, I...
43095) My boyfriend said he didn't want to know...
43094) The guy I like is the most brilliant guy in...
1 tag
43093) I just want to let you know that I know how...
43092) I've been eating only dinner for a while...
Today I finally ate a smaller dinner. You know, small steps so no one notices any changes. So I gave a little to my dad’s plate. Out of the blue, my brother jokes, “Haha it’s like you’re going anorexic, haha!” All I could think was, “Yeah, I am.” But instead I laughed along.
43091) My depression medication suppresses my...
43090) This blog is so sad but it's my reality.
1 tag
43089) It gets better and it is possible to emerge...
43088) After ana left, mia came. I'm such a...
43087) There's a flu going around my school right...
I secretly hope I catch it so I have an excuse not to eat. And I know when I get the flu, I can’t keep anything down, not even water. And it lasts for days. So even if I do eat, It’ll just come out right away. What kind of sick monster am I?
43086) I can't wait to leave home. I can be sick...
43085) I just want to be thin and beautiful.
43084) I am eating a salad I just made, and all I...
43083) I passed out for the first time today...
43082) I want to eat, I really do, but I become...
43081) There are thousands of girls that would...
43080) What have I started?
43079) It kills me knowing I'm the fattest of my...
43078) I told my friends I can't meet up at all...
43077) My teacher, who's only been teaching me for...
She urged me to seek help and told me that she would be with me every step of the way. I don’t know what to do. I’m so glad someone actually seems to care. I’m so angry that it wasn’t a family member or a friend, the people who are supposed to know me the best. They don’t know me at all.
43076) Every time I finish eating something, I run...
43075) When I was twelve my grandpa told me that I...
I stopped eating. Yesterday I heard him say the same thing to my x year old cousin… I’ve never been so ferociously angry with someone in my life. He ruined my life, but I wont, CAN’T let the same thing happen to my cousin.
43074) "What's her problem?" "I don't care" Thank...
43073) The crazy thing is, I don't think it's a...
43072) I just want to start it again so everyone...
43071) I used to hate black coffee, but now I love...
43070) Relapse sings a lullaby to me, "How far...
43069) I wish I could get better for the sake of...
